You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
