so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
