I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
