I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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