We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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