Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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