I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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