i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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