forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
