look no pants
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
