We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize