I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
