the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
