we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize