I smell stomach acid.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
