Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
