No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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