i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
