pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
