C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
