What did we do last night that was yellow?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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