he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
