he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
