i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
