Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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