I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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