I want to have your abortion
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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