So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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