help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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