i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
