I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
