She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize