I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
