It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
