Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
