you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
