just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
