how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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