im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
