Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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