She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
