then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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