Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
