we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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