I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
