i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
