Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
