the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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