Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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