I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
