I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Randomize
