We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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