does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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