goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
please don't ironically join a cult
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