i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize