they need to just BURY HIM!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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