I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
