he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
