Someone shit on the floor
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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