the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
