I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
