I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
