Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
