Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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