he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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