would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
