I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
