I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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