But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
