Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
